


Here They Be Giants

by Verocity



Category: 2PM
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-28 20:27:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verocity/pseuds/Verocity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before they were 2PM, they were kids playing giants in their heads.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here They Be Giants

**Author's Note:**

> My first 2PM fic. Please forgive the non-standard approach to characterization, I was still exploring the group back then. Originally posted [here](http://verocity.livejournal.com/21332.html).

This story is about many things.

This story is about personal growth. This is not necessarily a story about maturity, but it can be read that way. The maturation of people depends very heavily on the surrounding culture, and each culture and each person is different. For every perceived nugget of maturity behind every action, there is a hairline crack of fragility ready to give in. Maturity has little to do with age but has plenty to do with time, and time passes differently for each one.

This is not a story about good people versus bad people, although you may be able to identify some characters here as 'good' or 'bad'. Instead, this story is about people being people the best way – perhaps even the _only_ way – they know how. This is a story about selfishness and self-centeredness, but more importantly this story is about the difference between the two. Who is who and which is which? The writer has his opinions and he invites you to form your own.

On a deeper level, this story is about pressure and sanity and why the two must achieve a delicate balance for the mind to reach its peak. Too much of the former opens the road to padded walls and jackets with too-long sleeves, while too much of the latter invites complacency and the stagnation of creativity. But balance the two – exert the right pressure and maintain proper sanity – and the mind can achieve greatness that may outshine the mere sum of its parts.

But at its deepest, this story is about relationships: how they are formed, how they are strengthened, how they die off, and maybe even how they just appear out of nowhere. Part of it will be about sex, but not in the count-the-legs-and-divide-by-two kind of way (unless the characters go wildly out of the author's control). It could be about why relationships are. Not necessarily about "why relationships are something," just why relationships _are_.

It may not tell us why Nichkhun wants to see goodness in every person, but it may explain the drive behind the behavior. It may tell us about Taecyeon's courage and Jaebum's desire for familiarity and why those two mix so well. It might even tell us about Junsu's unshakeable belief in his talents, Wooyoung's approach to competition, and why Junho is so magnificent. It might even tell us about Chansung's easy laugh and solid confidence. Who knows?

The story knows.

The story is here to be told.

****

~*~

"You're a _prince_?" Chansung asked in disbelief one day, in the shade of a tree that hid them from the brilliant sunset that painted Seoul in swathes of burning red.

"By blood," Nichkhun answered as he picked on a few blades of grass. "And so watered down that there's no way I'm actually royalty."

"Wow," said Chansung, dazzled and failing to hide it. "I've never been friends with royalty before."

"I just told you-"

"Don't worry about it! Here in Korea, blood is blood. You're royalty. Heck, you even look it!" Chansung chuckled at the high end of his voice and Nichkhun has just gotten used to the sound. It was a big sound, energetic and kind, a perfect representation of the person behind it.

And maybe that was why Nichkhun liked hanging out with Chansung. He'd accepted that the world wasn't all about sunshine and pretty clouds, particularly here in Korea where everyone was so driven and competitive and maybe just a tad unwelcoming to people who looked different, but for a few minutes each day he could pretend otherwise. A few minutes each day when he didn't suffocate in stinky sweat-stuffed training rooms and judging eyes and watching his body in the mirror, focused so he could do his angles and waves and pops and locks satisfactorily. A few minutes each day when he could hide out here in a small patch of green just behind JYPE's main studios with someone who cared less about singing and dancing and more about who he was behind the winks and smiles.

"I'm no more a prince than you," Nichkhun insisted demurely, and meant it. He wanted to tell Chansung that it wasn't really that big a deal: multiple generations of polyamorous Thai royalty made it hard to find someone who _wasn't_ royal to a degree. But even as he thought it, even as he reminded himself that he _wasn't_ special (and it was hard to feel special when surrounded by his fellow trainees, almost all of whom were more talented than him, and the best of them all happened to be his best friend), for this moment he relished the open friendliness. And despite his insistence otherwise, it was nice to feel royal around somebody who appreciated the history in his blood. Taecyeon and Jaebum were great friends in their own ways and for whom Nichkhun would give his life, but they'd both grown so comfortable with the American ideal of individuality that the concept of pride in royalty was entirely lost on them.

"But you are!" Chansung gushed. "You're so calm and so poised and you smile all the time, and you're good at making people feel special..."

"I don't know about that," Nichkhun broke in while Chansung was taking a deep breath in preparation for a litany of Nichkhun's princely characteristics. "And I'm not here as a prince. I'm here on the same level as you. As a trainee."

Chansung guffawed at those words. Nichkhun considered that had it been anyone else the action would have been offensive. "You'll do great, Prince Nichkhun Hyung!" Chansung said. "It'll be impossible for you not to make it big. I'll be your number one fan and I'll leave you marriage proposals all over Cyworld. I'll even buy socks with your face on them and throw used underwear at you during concerts!"

Nichkhun rolled his eyes at the exaggeration. "I don't stand a chance. You've seen the others dance, right? And you've heard the singers?"

"I can't dance or sing either, but I'm still around."

"Yeah, but you can rap," Nichkhun countered.

"Not as well as Jaebum," Chansung said, slightly subdued. "But it's impossible for me to be as good as Jaebum at anything."

"Jay's a great guy," Nichkhun said generously, "but you're great at other things. I should make the two of you meet. He'd love to hang out with you."

Chansung was visibly tempted, but he declined the offer in the end. "I literally wouldn't know what to say. And I'm not cool enough to hang out with him."

That was puzzling. Not cool enough? Had someone redefined 'cool' without alerting Nichkhun? Because as awesome as Jay was, Nichkhun couldn't quite reconcile someone who farted unabashedly every time and who probably knew only two adjectives (one began with an _f_ and the other with a _g_ ) with whatever image Chansung had of him. It was _possible_ that they were thinking about the same person, but only _just_...

Nichkhun was on the verge of extolling a long list of Jay's vices to shatter this imaginary pedestal when his phone rang the generic, electronic tone he hadn't the heart to replace yet. Chansung shrugged and Nichkhun flipped it open. " _Yes?_ " he said, with Chansung watching his mouth in case lip-reading might help him understand the English.

" _I still don't know where you sneak off to during afternoon break,_ " Taecyeon's voice blared from the speaker, " _but you'd better get back here soon. Bad news. Your voice trainer arrived early._ "

" _Oh,_ " Nichkhun sighed, his shoulders sagging. It wasn't actually bad news. Just... unwelcome. " _I'll be right back. Is Jay there with you?_ "

" _He's happily making gay babies with Kwon._ "

" _Aww. Sorry, Taec, I didn't mean to leave you alone and unable to fulfill your insatiable need for contact._ " Nichkhun got to his feet and gestured for Chansung to do the same, and the latter happily obliged. He switched the conversation over to speaker mode so Chansung wouldn't feel left out. It wasn't a well-thought out idea, but the sentiment counted.

Taec's laugh had always been unselfconscious and probably always will be. " _Hey. Don't forget: you're the girl in this relationship._ "

"You have a girl?" Chansung gasped, excited at understanding a word and that maybe there's a princess for him to meet as well. Nichkhun gestured wildly for him to keep quiet.

" _Who's there with you_?" Taec asked immediately, his curiosity traveling well despite the static. " _I swear to god, Khun, if you and Jay trade me off for someone else, I will be a blubbering mess post break-up._ "

" _Now who's the girl in this relationship?_ " Nichkhun countered as he and Chansung began their trudge to one of the building's many back doors.

" _That's sexism, that is. And Nichkhun Buck Horvatever, are you actually making friends with someone who isn't me or Jay? This is a cause for celebration!_ "

Nichkhun ended the call with an audible _snap_ of his phone.

"You have grass on your butt," Chansung happily informed him. "I would wipe it off, but I'm not fit to touch the butt of royalty."

"But you felt fine just looking?" Nichkhun wiped his pants with as much dignity as he could. "And I'd like you to meet Taecyeon and Jaebum. If you're not doing anything later."

Chansung grinned brightly as if Nichkhun had told him he _was_ fit to wipe the butt of royalty after all. Unfortunately, Chansung had always been physically expressive, and his _aegyo_ had Nichkhun crumpled against the wall and wondering if JYPE's health care policy covered injury from people who were _too_ affectionate.

****

~*~

Vocal training was, as always, just this step shy of a disaster.

Nichkhun was familiar with keys and progressions and arpeggios, and his sufficient musical training gave him an ear for blending and tonal harmony and knowing if he was on tune. But, as the voice coach politely pointed out (while the meaner trainees did so happily), there was a difference between knowing what a descending arpeggio was, being able to play it on a piano, and actually being able _sing_ it. There was such a thing as perfect vocal pitch and Nichkhun unfortunately did not have it.

" _Maybe you could learn from another trainee_ ," coach Dongwook said in exasperated English. "Junsu, come up here and do it."

"Yes, coach Dongwook," a tall, dark-skinned boy seated at the front row said as he stood up.

Nichkhun dejectedly got back to his seat. He told himself to pay attention to the lesson and to not listen to the satisfied murmurs that erupted behind him. He ignored the fact that Junsu was the best singer in this batch, and being compared to him just made Nichkhun's own vocal shortcomings appear that much sharper.

"A pretty face until he opens his mouth," he heard and very carefully avoided reacting to.

In front of everyone, Junsu was in his element and had moved on from basic chords to descending minor ninths and augmented thirteens, the top notes of which were way beyond Nichkhun's vocal range. Coach Dongwook played the keyboard with an air of satisfaction that almost bordered on pride, and that was high praise from any of JYPE's vocal trainers.

Not for the first time, Nichkhun wished the rap training sessions didn't have the same schedule; although Jay could definitely do his own brand of vocal gymnastics, Taec and Chansung _couldn't_ and Nichkhun wouldn't have to suffer alone.

Something soft and crinkly hit the back of his head. Nichkhun breathed in deep. He'd just successfully counted down from a furious ten to a passably calm one when another one hit him again. He looked down and saw writing on one of the crumpled balls of paper. He waited until the teacher called for another student to the front for his turn before carefully reaching for the note.

_Open it, idiot!_ it said in spiky English letters.

Puzzled, Nichkhun reached for the other crumpled sheet and read, in the same handwriting, _Your singing tense. You relax. Stay after training?_

Nichkhun decided that calm bemusement was the best possible reaction and opted for that. This was his last training session for the day anyway; Jay still had break dancing and Taec had hosting for another hour and a half, and Nichkhun always waited for them by going through his Korean textbooks so they could go back to the dorms together.

Somehow, knowing there was another friendly face in the crowd made the rest of the session more bearable. He wondered who it was; Nichkhun studied everyone who stepped up to the front, watching for knowing glances sent his way (none) or carefully averted eyes (many) as if there was a black hole where he was seated. In the end he still didn't have a clue, and the selfish inner Nichkhun he tried hard to rein – the one that delighted in Chansung's worshipping – huffed that this mysterious friend should at least be one of the _good_ vocalists and too bad it obviously wasn't Junsu. The rest of his mind countered that Nichkhun was among the worst anyway, so if anyone wanted to help him, they were welcome.

Class ended with Nichkhun still clueless. Coach Dongwook handed out the score for a song that they had to learn by next week. Nichkhun's heart fell when he saw that the lyrics were in Korean; he could read Hangul (passably) and sing in Korean (if he really concentrated), but doing both at the same time was beyond him.

He waited for everyone in the group to take their copy and leave the studio, but someone approached him even before the room emptied out.

" _I help you,_ " someone said in carefully enunciated speaking-to-English-teachers voice. It was a boy Nichkhun had never spoken to before but found oddly familiar nonetheless. One of the better ones, noted the inner Nichkhun. " _Is that okay?_ "

Nichkhun stood up and bowed casually polite, which Taec had insisted was different from the formally polite or casually relaxed forms.

The boy bowed back. " _Good. Now. Sing._ "

"Erm," Nichkhun gaped, because singing on command was something that singers did and Nichkhun was as far from being a singer as Jay was from any definition of 'tall'.

"Don't make me regret doing this," the boy muttered, obviously to himself. Nichkhun could practically read the English words knocking around in his volunteer trainer's head.

"The teachers speak to me in English but I can understand Korean now," he said clearly albeit a bit stiffly. "I don't understand idioms or complicated words, but I'm not completely lost." And even though he knew that everyone knew his name, he still added, "I'm Nichkhun."

"Yes, I know. I'm Junho."

There was another round of bowing and Nichkhun tactfully ignored the blush forming on Junho's neck. Nichkhun suddenly realized why Junho looked oddly familiar. "You know, you really look like R-"

"Don't even say that name," Junho hissed, and the vehemence behind it startled Nichkhun.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Nevermind. Now please sing and I'll tell you where to improve on."

Nichkhun did.

It wasn't his best performance and he was pretty sure he'd just botched yet another Backstreet Boys song for the millionth time in this reality, not to mention taking it several keys lower, but it was easier than the Titanic theme song or anything by N'Sync. Nichkhun took it as a victory when Junho still hadn't ran out of the studio bleeding out of his ears by the time he hit the first chorus. But Junho _did_ rub pointedly at his temples several times. "That bad, huh?" Nichkhun asked awkwardly.

Junho's reply came after a moment of deliberation. "You have good pronunciation," he said constructively.

Nichkhun chose to laugh at the implication instead of being affronted, but he sounded forced and uncomfortable. "Yeah," he said, self-conscious. "It may be the only thing I'm good at. But you'll help me, right?"

"Look, I'm not offering to do this for free," Junho said bluntly. "And I'm not talking about money. I can sing but I suck at English. You're fluent in English but your singing needs a lot of help. Do you understand or do I have to spell it out for you?"

"It's perfectly clear."

"Good. Let's start with your breathing. Sit and watch your reflection and _relax_."

****

~*~

Somehow, in his months of training so far, Khun never realized that singing was so _complicated_.

" _And none of the teachers have ever said anything about it,_ " Khun raged as he, Jay, and Taec walked back to the trainee dorms together. He'd invited Chansung over for snacks, but a very large boy with the disposition of a bunny and a smile easily as bright as Nichkhun's was charming intercepted them and dragged Chansung away before Taec and Jay made it back from the restroom.

" _Khun, were you under the impression that singing is just speaking in tune?_ " Taec asked sardonically.

" _You're one to talk,_ " Jay butted in with a sharp elbow jab that caught Taecyeon as he was breathing in.

" _I know it's more than that,_ " Nichkhun said dejectedly. " _I just expected the trainers to_ teach _me how to do it properly. But here I am, learning from a fellow trainee._ "

" _You're making friends at a remarkable pace!_ " Taec insisted. " _Make some more and I might start thinking you're jealous of my popularity._ "

Nichkhun snorted and Jay grimaced. " _Taec. This thing of yours you call 'popularity'? Not what you think._ "

" _Some would say, 'notoriety',_ " Khun added. He discretely bumped Jay's fist behind Taec's back. Random passersby stared as three doubtlessly Asian teenagers spoke in fluent English, though some eyes lingered on Nichkhun or Taecyeon and Jay pretended not to notice. Nichkhun felt sick at the irony: people clearly missed who the right person was to watch.

Taec bared his teeth at them. Nichkhun refrained from pointing out his resemblance to a farm horse.

" _I suppose I should listen to a prince when he educates me for free,_ " Taec said with the absence of irony in his voice, which was his own way of being sarcastic. Taec was usually nice, but he wasn't a _saint_. " _I'm so sorry, your highness. I shall consume a dictionary tonight so as to avoid further offending your sensibilities._ "

Nichkhun paused in mid-step. His blood rushed from his face in horror. _Of course_ they'd already spoken to Chansung: they shared rap training and Taec probably recognized his voice even over the phone.

" _Hey! His royal majesty must be tired!_ " Jay exclaimed. " _Taec, we can't let his precious legs get strained! Thailand may decide to invade Korea if they learn of our crude sense of hospitality!_ "

And before Nichkhun could react at the indignity of it all, he was swept off his feet as Taec grabbed him by the armpits and Jay took him by the knees. His yells of protest and their boyish laughter traced the alleys of Seoul the rest of the way to their dorm and they knew tonight would be another good night.

They were high and they were having the time of their lives. Too high for gravity to call them down.

****

~*~

" _Don't look now, but there are a couple of creepy stalker fanboys checking you out,_ " Taecyeon told him during lunch the next day.

" _As if that's not worrisome at all, thanks,_ " Nichkhun replied, untroubled, as he took another spoonful of jjigae. He'd long ago gotten used to being stared at.

" _No, seriously. They're both massive and one of them looks like he doesn't have eyes. We could tell Jay to beat them up after training._ "

Nichkhun slowly drew his eyes away from his tray to give Taec a _look_. " _So, to be perfectly clear: you're volunteering_ Jay _'s violence. Not yours. But Jay's?_ "

Taec grinned at him and slowly snaked a palm down his own chest in what he clearly thought was a seductive fashion, saying, " _I'm a weapon of mass destruction, man. One look at my sweaty body and everyone in the vicinity would melt._ "

" _Sure. From the vile odor,_ " Nichkhun clarified and Taec guffawed. 

"Erm. Excuse me?" said a depressingly familiar voice.

Nichkhun didn't need to see who it was for his confidence to drop a couple of notches. "Yes, hello. Junsu, right?"

"Yeah," Junsu answered. "Thanks for remembering. Hey, listen, I heard you and Junho practicing yesterday-"

"Have a seat," Taec interrupted with a gesture at an empty chair. Junsu shook his head politely at the offer but Nichkhun didn't miss the way his eyebrow quirked at Taec's sea blue and pink shirt.

"- and he's an okay singer," Junsu continued. "But you should know that he learned how to sing from choir. That's different from what we're learning to do here. So be careful around him, alright?" Junsu left before Nichkhun could completely register the warning for what it was.

" _Well_ there's _a thing,_ " Taecyeon muttered as they both watched Junsu sit down with a couple of people with similar levels of talent. " _He's colorful. I like him._ "

" _'Him'? If you're getting a boyfriend, keep your gay to yourself, man,_ " came Jay's familiar drawl, and the way he swung his legs over the chair looked impossibly graceful for such a mundane action.

" _Jokwon,_ " was Taec's one-word reply. Jay's cheekbones tinged red and he started dismantling his dumplings.

" _Khun, there are a couple of guys looking at you with hearts in their eyes._ "

" _We've been over that._ "

" _We were thinking you could go beat them up,_ " Taec added. A beat of silence followed. " _What? We can't have anyone ogling our prince like that. He might think our countrymen are disrespectful._ "

Nichkhun buried his face in his hands and tried to repair the composure that his friends could so effortlessly shatter. " _For the last time, I was_ going _to tell you-_ "

" _Yeah, we're not on that anymore, and your fanboys have already left anyway. One of them was that Chansung guy from yesterday._ "

" _Wait, it was?_ " Taec asked, surprised.

Nichkhun and Jay stared at him. " _Are you wearing your contacts?_ " Nichkhun asked.

Taec frowned and rubbed at the base of his eyes. " _I need to get new ones. Or else I'd have to wear glasses again._ "

Nichkhun grinned at the image while Jay scoffed at the idea. " _Wear your dorktacles in public and we won't hang out anymore. At all. I_ mean _it._ "

" _Jay, you know you can't stand not having me around._ "

Nichkhun felt he missed an inside joke somewhere. He pouted as he pondered the recent conversation.

" _Aww, don't worry, Khun!_ " Taec announced cheerfully. " _Jay and I will never leave you. We're gonna grow old together like spinsters and I'll adopt cats and Jay's going to dislocate his hip while break dancing at a ripe old age of ninety-one and you're gonna inherit the throne so we can all live in the royal palace together!_ "

The impossible was almost achieved when Jay - _Park Jaebum_ \- gaped like he was at a loss for words, but reality asserted itself once more and Jay reestablished his eloquence. " _I didn't think it was possible, but you're actually fucking gayer than Kwon._ "

" _Aww, I love you too, Jay!_ "

Nichkhun's forehead thunked loudly against the cafeteria table. " _I wonder if I could buy better friends at the night market._ "

" _Money doesn't solve everything, Khun!_ "

" _Unfortunately._ "

****

~*~

His first voice lesson with Junho during the morning break period didn't go as smoothly as Nichkhun hoped.

"No, open your mouth!"

"My mouth _is_ open!"

"Open your mouth _more!_ Listen, singing isn't just about making your voice stay on key. It's also about producing a sound that people will _want_ to hear."

Nichkhun closed his eyes and fought down the frustration.

"Open your eyes! You have to see you how you open your mouth first before you can sing casually."

"You know," Nichkhun said between calming breaths, "I think I prefer the way our trainers teach us. Not all these breathing exercises and proper posturing and things. _Real_ singing."

"And did you get any better? Seriously, answer me."

Nichkhun didn't have to.

It's not that he didn't like what Junho was making him do because he _did_ hear the humongous difference in how he sounded when he followed those unfamiliar instructions. But... there was just something about Junho today that rubbed him the wrong way. It was a feeling that Nichkhun had always tried to suppress. He'd always thought that people should be understood by their actions, not for causing weird feelings of irritation the root of which he couldn't justify anyway. And as much as Nichkhun liked to think that he was a rational person, he knew he could only act in cold intellect if his emotions weren't making any play for attention.

"Did you learn to sing like this?" Nichkhun asked plainly, doing his best to keep the edge of antagonism suppressed.

Junho's silence sounded like a downshift of Nichkhun's intelligence. "Of course. Why do you think I'm teaching you this way?"

"It's just that," in some detached section of his brain, Nichkhun knew what he was going to say next wouldn't win him any points with Junho, but the prickle of irritation was making very clear demands and they were not about to back down, "Junsu doesn't seem to bother with these kinds of techniques."

The silent implication of his words echoed deafeningly loud in the studio: _and he's much better than you._

For a moment Nichkhun thought he'd crossed a very important line and he'd have to find a way to get better at singing by himself. And for a livid moment Junho looked like the only thing he wanted in the world was make Nichkhun a walking, talking bruise. But all that came of the moment was self-defeated smirk and a taunt that promised broken bones. "Is it nice to rub it in?"

And for the first time Nichkhun realized that he was being too self-absorbed. He wasn't the one worst off in their batch of trainees. Because when it came down to it, Nichkhun would be able to find a future elsewhere. He had the connections, he had the background, he had the skills, and most of all his family had money. He could go to university without having to worry about student loans and he could pick up modeling gigs wherever he went because he had the right face, build, and posture for the camera.

But Junho... he occupied that unenviable position of looking like a lesser version of someone who was already Someone but without being good enough to overcome the borrowed spotlight. He'd always be seen as the look-alike. The kiddie version. The fun-sized Rain. And Junho wanted nothing more than to succeed in this industry. He was competent. But that wasn't enough.

Nichkhun backed off.

"No," he said. "I'm sorry. Thank you for taking the time to teach me." And he meant it.

Junho watched him intently for what felt like hours, but his eyes were unreadable even if his shoulders were still bared and his nostrils were flared. He exhaled a deep breath and said, "Good. Now open your mouth, relax your jaw and follow the scales." He played a broken C# triad and Nichkhun sang from the root.

The inner Nichkhun crowed bitterly that at least he could play the keys better than Junho, but Nichkhun pushed the voice to the back of his head.

****

~*~

"Hey, Prince Hyung!" Chansung greeted as he approached their spot with a plastic bag in his hands. "Wow, you look exhausted today."

"Hey," Nichkhun greeted back. "I'm just... stressed. Very stressed."

"Really? Then I guess I brought the perfect snack after all," Chansung said with a grin as he crossed his long legs and settled on the ground. He ruffled his parcel open and produced, to Nichkhun's surprise, a comb of bananas. "Potassium's a great way to resist stress. Good for digestion and stuff and it helps with breathing. Or is it circulation? Sorry, I don't really pay attention to health ed."

Nichkhun laughed for what felt like the first time that day. "I'm surprised you remembered that much."

"It was about bananas. How could I not?" Chansung shrugged with a wave of humor and peeled his banana with the ease and grace of having practiced at least a thousand times. It was a simple thing, but Nichkhun couldn't stop watching. Chansung raised the fruit to Nichkhun's mouth and said, "Open your mouth."

"What?" Nichkhun asked, startled because just an hour ago he'd associated that command with the very strong urge to punch whoever said it.

"Ah~" Chansung suggested.

"Oh." Nichkhun remembered that it was a sign of respect among Koreans to feed each other. It was a hard lesson to forget: Jay freaked out and almost flipped their table over the first time Taec tried to feed him a lettuce wrap. The word 'gay' has been permanently affiliated to a great number of things Nichkhun never thought of as even remotely sexual before. Jay was particularly talented in that area.

Nichkhun opened his mouth and suppressed his speculations of how Jay would react should Taecyeon ever try to feed him a banana.

If the conditions were right and if the area was private enough, it might be worth watching. And rewatching. Ad infinitum.

"Why are you so stressed anyway, Prince Hyung?" Chansung asked, showing the world the half-masticated mush of a banana currently occupying his mouth.

It was another lesson in basic Korean idiosyncrasies that Taec painstakingly taught them. (Well, more to Nichkhun than Jay. For obvious reasons. It was the first time the words " _Fuckin' finally! Something that isn't gay!_" were ever heard from Park Jaebum's mouth.) And speaking of his best friends...

Nichkhun swallowed his mouthful of fruit and avoided Chansung's inquiry. "So I guess you've met Jay and Taec?"

"Yeah, and you were so right about them! Jaebum-hyung is so cool and he didn't make fun of me when I tried to talk to him in English, and Taecyeon-hyung is so friendly and shit! And- oh! I probably shouldn't swear in front of royalty. Sorry, hyung..."

And perhaps that was what brought the contrast between Taec and Jay and Chansung. Funny how such a thing about him told him more about his friends.

"But how'd you know I met Jaebum-hyung and Taecyeon-hyung, anyway?" Chansung asked, drawing Nichkhun out of his reverie.

"They started teasing me about being a prince. They never did that before."

"Hmmm," Chansung hummed as he took another bite. It was followed by a sharper, higher, " _Oh!_ They didn't know? You never told them? I just thought, since they're your best friends and all, and they told me I could call them 'hyung' as long as I kept talking about you, I..."

"It's fine, don't worry about it. Jay and Taec meant well, I'm sure."

"But why haven't you told them, Prince Hyung? I mean, I tell my best friend everything so I thought..."

"I never really found a reason to tell them before," Nichkhun admitted. "They _are_ my best friends, and if I know something that would affect them I'd tell them in a heartbeat. But... I just never got around to this one."

"Ugh, sorry, hyung! I should have kept my mouth shut," and Chansung looked so remorseful that Nichkhun had to draw him into half a hug so they'd both feel better.

"Hey, don't worry about it. If it hadn't been for you, I'd probably never have let them know at all."

"So why'd you tell _me_?" Chansung asked with all the grace of a rhinoceros.

Nichkhun just smiled at him in response. He raised a banana to Chansung's lips even if the younger boy was already chewing.

Fortunately, uncharacteristically, Chansung took the hint.

****

~*~

All of Nichkhun's misgivings about Junho's way of teaching subsided when coach Dongwook pronounced Nichkhun's vocalization exercise 'serviceable'. Nichkhun flashed a brilliant smile at Junho as he made his way back to his seat, but his makeshift voice teacher didn't bother to look at him at all.

He knew better than to expect silence from everyone else, though; the voices extolling his flaws as a performer were weaker today, but that didn't mean they didn't have anything to say.

"... look at him, so satisfied just because he stayed on key ..."

"... could afford additional training, as if that makes him better ..."

"... come on, cut him some slack. He did okay up front ..."

"... be so worried. He'll never make the cut ..."

"Maybe you're not so hopeless after all," said a slightly familiar voice right behind him.

Nichkhun turned in his seat and came face to face with a boy with saggy cheeks and forgettably plain eyes. Someone he took variety show production classes with. "Thanks," Nichkhun said uncertainly.

The boy just rolled his eyes at Nichkhun and reverted his attention to the exceptionally tall trainee who was belting an adlib to coach Dongwook's tune. Nichkhun righted his posture once more and smiled when the trainee's voice cracked when the tune transposed three keys higher. It wasn't that he thought meanly of the student's performance; Nichkhun just liked to remember that even the top of the class also had their limits, and somehow it made him feel that he may not be so hopeless after all.

"So you still doubt me?" Junho asked him after training when they had the studio to themselves again.

"No," Nichkhun answered even if it was obvious, because some things needed to be said and this was something that Junho needed to hear.

"Great. Since now you have an idea of how to stay in and shift keys with your voice, let's work on your projection." Junho took his position behind the keyboard Nichkhun took that as his cue to face the mirror. Behind his reflection he saw the plain-eyed boy from earlier enter the studio with an amused air to his gait.

"Figures that you've been teaching him, Junho," the boy said with a playfully mean edge to his tone.

Junho's fingers froze above the keys. "Get out. Before I throw you out. I mean it, Wooyoung."

"What are you giving him in return?" Wooyoung asked Nichkhun directly. "Must be something valuable. Junho doesn't even talk to competitors at all."

"Get the _fuck out_ ," Junho hissed, droplets of spittle flying to the keyboard and hands gripping his monobloc chair tightly. Nichkhun watched the two of them, completely lost at the overwhelming aggression between two people whom he'd never even thought knew each other.

"Oh, _now_ I get it," Wooyoung continued with a sardonic twinkle in his eyes aimed at Nichkhun. " _You're_ not competition."

Only the adrenaline flooding his system allowed Nichkhun to move fast enough to restrain Junho from behind. He felt good about himself for reacting quickly enough to prevent a fight, but the moment was short-lived when Junho elbowed him right in his solar plexus and Nichkhun collapsed to a grunting heap on the floor and trying to fight back the nausea. He was vaguely aware of a fight escalating in his presence, of voices being raised and more people coming into the room and the sickening sound of a hit landing on a body. He tried to see what was going on, but Junho's elbow had been hard and strong and perfectly aimed. He knew he should be bigger than this, stronger than a helpless lump on the floor when there was violence that should be stopped, but it was hard to feel chivalric when his lungs were in a state of emergency and there were tears of pain clouding the world.

For a moment, all he could see were blurred suggestions of feet on the floor.

It took several seconds for his body to catch up on recent events. His lungs stopped trying to suck in all the air in the room and he wiped his eyes to clear his vision. He looked up just in time to see Wooyoung leaving, apparently unharmed. Junho was on the floor and nursing a bleeding lip while, to Nichkhun's complete surprise, Chansung looked like he had gone berserk and the only thing stopping him from eviscerating Junho right then and there was the giant who had him in an arm lock.

Junho wiped the blood off his lips and smirked at it in disgust. "Fuck this," he told Chansung, his voice shaking with barely contained rage. "After what we've been through for years, you hit me for someone you barely even know. I see where I stand now, _Chansung_."

Whatever more he had to say about betrayed friendships were forgotten when his eyes fell on Nichkhun. "And fuck _you_. You're not even welcome here. Go back to where you belong."

Chansung erupted in a fresh wave of struggles as he tried to get at Junho's retreating back. "Shhhh, calm down, Chansungie," the other guy said calmingly even though his muscles were about to burst from the effort. He tried to smile at Nichkhun, but the best he could make given the circumstance was an apologetic grimace with crescent eyes. "He's not usually like this. He only gets violent when people hurt his friends."

Nichkhun took one last deep breath to make sure his lungs were back to normal before he rubbed the back of Chansung's neck. "I'm fine. And he didn't mean it. I just got overexcited. And careless."

Chansung stopped struggling but his teeth were still bared at the floor. "I'm okay now, Jinwoon."

"You sure? You can't sucker me in like last time-"

"Jinwoon, _let go_. I'm _calm_ ," Chansung repeated and Jinwoon knowingly let go of Chansung's arms. "Sorry you had to see me like this, hyung," Chansung added without meeting Nichkhun's eyes. He turned away and crouched by the corner in a perfect picture of pathetic self-flagellation.

"Hey," Nichkhun started, but Jinwoon's hand on his shoulder made him pause.

"He's okay. Just... it might be best if you give him space."

Jinwoon's words were perfectly clear, but Nichkhun found the meaning behind them harder to understand.

"Please, Nichkhun-sshi," Jinwoon pleaded. Nichkhun nodded and walked out of the studio as quickly as he could.

Belatedly, he realized that Jinwoon had every right to drive Nichkhun away. Jinwoon knew Chansung longer and more deeply. And Although Jinwoon was massive, Chansung was definitely stronger, which meant Jinwoon's ability to restrain him relied less on strength and more on Chansung's trust. Which meant that if there was anyone who knew anything about how to deal with an upset Chansung, it was Jinwoon.

It didn't make him feel any less guilty. Language or cultural barriers were no excuses for this one. 

Nichkhun wondered if being a bad friend was Thailand's curse for royalty serving another country.

****

~*~

" _Wow, you're great company tonight,_ " Taecyeon said with a slight tinge of worry he failed to hide.

Nichkhun grumbled something incoherent and focused on his jjajjangmyeon.

" _Okay, that's all I have,_ " Taecyeon said, passing the metaphoric baton to Jay. " _Your turn to coax him out of that boulder he lives under._ "

Jay shrugged carelessly. " _He'll snap out of it,_ " he said around a mouthful of noodles.

Taec glowered at those words, and Nichkhun found it weird because Taec never extended his personal standards of behavior to other people. But whether Jay didn't see or just didn't care, Nichkhun didn't know. He excused himself from their small dinner gathering in the living room, muttering excuses about being exhausted and training tomorrow and he's just doesn't have the appetite tonight.

The last thing he heard before he shut the shared bedroom door is Taec saying, " _What the hell, Jay? Can you for once_ not _leave the emotional stuff to me?_ "

Nichkhun wasn't in the right state of mind to pick it apart.

****

~*~

When he awoke the morning after, he had a full five minutes of groggy bliss before he realized why he was feeling so miserable. Jay and Taec just let him be.

" _Everyone has their bad days,_ " Jay told him over a breakfast of eggs and ramyeon. Taec looked like he wanted to snort.

Nichkhun accepted the attempt at comfort with a smile. He focused on eating and wondered if he could buy bananas on their way to the training studios.

****

~*~

He could. He did. He almost bought a whole crate.

He waited under their tree with a bag of fruit and a bitter taste in his mouth.

He left the bag there when afternoon break ended.

He washed the disappointment away with a can of iced coffee and willed himself to focus on other people and other responsibilities. He'd get his chance. If the world had any good in it, he'd get his chance to make this right.

****

~*~

Nichkhun knew that what little he'd learned from Junho wouldn't be enough to get him by in class. He could study the assignment by himself, but the trainer had obviously already written him off as musically hopeless so the best he could hope to get from that was know the lyrics and be familiar with the tune. But to actually sing it, he needed more practice. More training with someone who was willing to give him the time of day.

He survived the vocal harmony exercises by mostly sticking to the melody while the partner assigned to him took care of everything else. Out of pity or out of practicality Nichkhun didn't care then because there was nothing he could have done. But he paid close attention to Junho's turn, during which he was partnered with Junsu.

Listening to them was a surreal experience. Nichkhun realized only then just how sharply their singing styles contrasted: Junsu was very deliberately a hybrid between R&B and hip hop in the way he broke his notes and formed atonal melodies, making him easy to listen to but hard to relate with; whereas Junho's style lacked the sparkle that could draw people in but made up for it with endurance and a solid grounding on the basics of music.

Junho stood in front of the class and followed the meter and progression with a neutral expression, providing a steady base to Junsu's vocal acrobatics. The results were interesting. Not necessarily _good_ , but definitely interesting.

The coach assessed them as individually capable but incompatible as a group. By the way Junsu and Junho didn't react, Nichkhun assumed they reached the same conclusion.

"Can we talk?" Nichkhun asked Junho as he passed by on his way back to his seat. Whether Junho heard him or not, Nichkhun didn't know, but they weren't going anywhere until the coach dismissed them from class.

They finally started studying _Keuraedo Sarangida_. Coach Dongwook played the piano accompaniment twice so the class could get familiarized with the music, then he played the melody line and let the students follow (or fail to follow) on their own. It didn't take long for Nichkhun to realize that the song was a ballad. It wasn't a welcome thought. Ballads were hard. Ballads were very _technical_.

He glanced behind him to watch Junho and Junsu following the song without much trouble. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed most of the class, Wooyoung included, concentrating on the sheet music with furrowed eyebrows. The incredibly tall trainee with prominent cheekbones was already singing along and feeling right at ease.

A small movement caught Nichkhun's attention, but by the time he focused on it Junho's eyes were already resolutely fixed on his sheet once more.

"So you want to talk?" Junho asked him as soon as class ended. The other trainees were filing out of the classroom slowly. Some were eyeing the two of them, unsure of what to make of the scene. Wooyoung walked out without a glance.

"I figured you'd grown tired of my singing," Nichkhun said, relieved. "So maybe we should just talk instead. And I haven't fulfilled my part of the bargain by teaching you English yet."

"I'm not stupid. I've never treated you as if you were so please extend the courtesy to me," Junho answered, completely unimpressed. "I may not know you personally, but I know _of_ you. You're mainly Thai but you grew up in America. You're smart, well-educated, and you have classical training with the piano. You dress well and you always have a lot of energy so I assume you don't experience the hunger that the rest of us do. You got here because you were _invited_ in, whereas the rest of us had to go through grueling auditions and competitions just to get a chance. Even if I don't teach you how to sing, I'm sure you can find someone else to help you along. So why are you still talking to me?"

Nichkhun almost reeled back from the tirade of disturbingly accurate details. None of those were particularly private, but that Junho had been paying attention to him... maybe Wooyoung was wrong. Maybe Junho _did_ see Nichkhun as competition after all.

Junho made to leave, but Nichkhun grabbed his shoulder before he could put any real distance between them. "Are you allergic to acts of friendliness?" he asked with an added edge to his voice. If Junho didn't like being coddled, maybe he'd listen to someone being assertive.

"I'm allergic to pity," was Junho's answer.

"I don't pity you."

"Right," Junho sneered. He tried to shrug off Nichkhun's hand, but Nichkhun tightened his grip and forced Junho to face him.

"I _don't_ ," Nichkhun insisted, because Junho needed to know that there was no point in comparing the two of them. "You keep looking at the wrong things about me. I'm completely useless at singing and the only reason my dancing doesn't suck is because Jay helps me on the side. My Korean is awful and the only thing people notice about me is my smile. And whether Wooyoung's just an ass or not, he was right: I'm _not_ your competitor. I can't even show up on the same stage as you. So don't think I'm in any position to look down on you because if there's anyone here who needs all the help he can get, it's _me_."

Nichkhun didn't set any expectations about how Junho would react. At the very least he was hoping for some form of acceptance, or if he'd said the wrong things maybe even rude dismissal. Bitter triumph mixed with a belittling gaze wasn't one he foresaw. "Did you just hear yourself? Are you still so stupidly, so _immaturely_ idealistic that you think talent will determine success? When it's easier to teach someone like you to sing and dance than to make an ugly musician handsome?"

"But you're-"

"Don't bother saying it. Who cares if I can sing and dance or if I'm handsome? I'm no one. I'm _worse_. People look at me and they see Rain. They watch me dance and they think I'm not as good as Rain. You know this. So just leave me alone." Junho walked away once more, and he almost made it to the door before Nichkhun found the words he wanted to say.

"Then give me a chance to get to know Junho. No dancing, no singing. Let's just... talk about things and stop being trainees for one night."

And when Junho stopped with one foot out the door, Nichkhun knew for once he said the right thing.

****

~*~

It should have been awkward, but it wasn't.

They should have had conversation, but throughout dinner they were silent.

It should have been enlightening. It was.

They had meat and sausages and congee and Nichkhun mostly just watched Junho eat. Every once in a while Junho would look back with a silent frown and an appraising glint in his eyes, and Nichkhun would offer a smile and focus on his own meal. But whenever Junho looked away again Nichkhun would watch once more and marvel at how Junho exuded self-control during mealtime. Maintaining posture after an exhausting day, never once wincing when the hot congee touched the split on his lip, letting Nichkhun know through sheer body language that he didn't care if Nichkhun was staring... it was surreal.

Nichkhun learned a lot from those few minutes of non-conversation. About the Korean version of _omerta_. About never letting one's guard down. About always being wary of people watching. About never thinking that you were alone.

Mostly, he learned about things that Taec took for granted and never thought to teach Jay and Nichkhun. He realized why Jay had such a hard time being accepted as Korean even though his blood was purely theirs. Why Nichkhun would always be seen as a foreigner – a novelty – no matter how hard he tried to blend in. The barrier lay beyond looks and language, beyond family trees and purity of intent. Despite the popular media's attempts at ushering in the wave of individuality, Korea was still a culture rooted in collectivism.

But here Junho was, here _all_ the trainees were, caught in the center where two incompatible tenets of belief clashed. Here they were, raised by society to observe rules and etiquette and unwritten codices of proper behavior, but they were pursuing an industry wherein one's individual ability to shine determined his success. There was a very fine road to follow, but one toe out of line could ruin everything someone had been building after years of hard work. The pressure, the dissonance, the insanity of it all... it helped Nichkhun understand.

It helped him understand Chansung's berserker attitude and the overwhelming remorse that came after. It helped him understand Jinwoon's urgency in getting Nichkhun out of there. It helped him understand why everyone was reluctant to reach out and be friends, and why even until now Nichkhun only had Taec and Jay to rely on.

He understood why Coach Dongwook was so exasperated with him but still made sure that Nichkhun wasn't too crushed to continue singing, why he always gave Nichkhun a sliver of hope to hold him afloat. And now that he thought about it, he also understood why Wooyoung did what he did and what he hoped to achieve from it.

He understood why Junho was reluctant in offering to teach him: if Nichkhun succeeded, Junho would be hit by the bitterness of all the other failed trainees for giving the foreigner what he needed to succeed; but if Nichkhun failed, Junho's efforts would be seen as sabotage and he'd be marked as a black sheep of the people for mistreating a guest. There was only one way for Junho to win the situation in which he'd trapped himself, and that was to succeed alongside Nichkhun, to be right there so they could pull each other upwards. It was a long shot, a million-to-one chance. But Junho was getting desperate and he was hedging his bets.

Wooyoung _was_ right: Junho _didn't_ see Nichkhun as competition. Junho chose Nichkhun as a potential teammate because he knew deeply that talent wasn't everything and charisma influenced more than it should. Nichkhun was the embodiment of Junho's frustrations: someone who always got noticed even if he wasn't any good. And instead of resisting, Junho decided to partner with him so he could be noticed as well. He had decided to teach Nichkhun how to sing so that if his bets paid off, they would do so spectacularly.

And in the meantime, Junho would have the perfect opportunity to learn from Nichkhun the one thing the lack of which always kept him from being noticed: charisma. It wasn't something Nichkhun could teach. But he would be glad to let Junho learn.

"I ate well," he heard Junho say.

Nichkhun pulled himself out of contemplation just in time to gesture to Junho to put his wallet away. "I'm the hyung," Nichkhun reminded him. "This means I get to pay right?"

"Just because you're older doesn't mean you're automatically my hyung," Junho answered.

The words were sharp but Nichkhun considered it a triumph that Junho's tone was softer. Patient. Educational. It wasn't friendly yet, but at least it hinted that friendliness was a possibility. "Let me pay, still. In return for our first two lessons."

Junho ignored him and started counting out bills.

"Please?" Nichkhun added with a pout and blasting Junho with the full effects of his doe eyes. He might as well learn from experience.

Junho looked _electrified_. It took him a minute to regain his composure and to pocket his wallet with slightly trembling hands. "Just this once."

Nichkhun grinned at him and called for the waitress.

He couldn't help it if he was smiling a little too brightly when he returned to the dorm. He couldn't fault Jay and Taec for reaching the obvious conclusion, but he didn't offer any explanations.

****

~*~

Really, Nichkhun should have expected it.

There had been clues. Like how Jay suddenly changed from grouchy and perpetually annoyed to somewhat patient bordering on cheerful in the right weather and didn't denounce The Gay every time he opened his mouth. Nichkhun guessed it must have been a very prolonged culture shock at first, and that something must have been resisting inside Jay's mind all this time, but he'd finally learned to accept that he was stuck in Korea for the foreseeable future. Or maybe it was Jokwon.

Then there was the surreal moment when Nichkhun realized that Taec was taking _baths_. Not just letting water run over him and absent-mindedly soaping up, but actually _bathing_. And even _daily_. Nichkhun first found it strange. Then he found it suspicious. Then maybe he was just a tiny bit jealous because Taec could be nearing his debut without telling anyone and he wanted a head start at polishing his image. But since it was a marked improvement in Taec's hygiene Nichkhun didn't draw attention to it more than the customary, "I don't even know you anymore." And Taec always responded with, "Khun, you'll always be in my heart." They were corny, Nichkhun wouldn't deny it, but that was... just simply _Taec_.

And there were times when both his friends looked distinctly ruffled, flushed, or downright exhausted but somehow still _perky_. Nichkhun just wrote it off as their style of coping with the stress of so many training sessions and not enough rest, and the tension of omnipresent competition could get to anyone. After all, Jay was one of the most talented trainees around, and nobody could deny that Taec's bottomless well of charisma coupled with his vibrant voice practically meant he was a sure shot for debuting as an MC _at least_.

Still. It was a shock to see his best friends practically naked and groping each other in the dorm bathroom when they apparently thought everyone else was asleep.

Nichkhun was just thankful they were still wearing boxers.

" _Shit,_ " Jay said eloquently as he jerked his hand out of Taec's underwear.

" _We can explain?_ " Taec offered, though there really wasn't much to explain about having one hand down someone else's shorts. It was the kind of thing that explained itself.

" _Why are you still groping me?!_ "

It was just beyond Nichkhun's willpower to tear his eyes away, even though he knew he'd need copious amounts of alcohol and bleach to ever feel clean again. It was like a car crash. It was _fixating_. " _I'm not judging you guys,_ " Nichkhun said to Jay's crotch where Taec's hand was still feeling right at home. " _I just need. Something. Time or- or- space. Timespace. Or something. I'll see you guys at training later._ " Quantum physics had to be rewritten just to define the time he needed.

" _What? Where are you going? It's midnight!_ " Taecyeon almost shrieked, but Jay's hand covered his mouth before he reached decibels that could wake their sleeping dorm mates and Nichkhun gagged at the unsanitariness of it all.

" _Training!_ " he repeated. He grabbed a pair of sweats and was on his way out of the dorm before the other two recovered from the whiplash.

It was as dramatic an exit as he could hope to make given the circumstances. But now that the melodrama was dying down and his mind was finally showing scenes other than excerpts from a bad porn movie, he decided to confront his current reality. He wasn't wearing much, he didn't have his wallet, he didn't have his phone... well damn it.

Maybe he could go back for-

\-- _Jay dry-humping Taecyeon against the wall, hands traveling down the sculpted body of an Adonis and dipping under the lime green boxers of a fashion disaster_ \--

Nichkhun mastered the urge to claw his eyes out and decided that he'd just have to do this alone. Face the world sans phone, wallet, and reasonable clothing.

Taec and Jay. Jay and Taec. He smothered the curiosity of what their couple name would be with insistent chants that _he was not a fangirl_.

But the more the thought about it...

It made sense. In a twisted kind of way. But it made _sense_.

It probably started with Jaebum, the persistent attachment of his ego with masculinity and dominance, and, oddly enough, Jokwon. It wasn't anything as obvious as Jokwon's personality rubbing off on Jaebum; despite Jay's insistence on not catching the Gay Virus (or, when he was feeling particularly sophisticated, the Gay Contagion), he knew homosexuality wasn't communicable or else he wouldn't have befriended Kwon at all.

Back in Seattle, Jay was the leader of the pack: the king, the alpha male, the front man of the gang. He held the title for years. But one day he was relocated to an unfamiliar country and left alone to fend for himself with nothing to his name but his talent, his hang-ups, and the unwelcoming arms of his fellow trainees.

Habits hardly die off for something so trivial. He couldn't recreate his old gang here so he turned to another direction to satiate his need for dominance, and a perfect fit arrived: Kwon was loud enough for three people, he was smart, he was talented, he was an established name among the trainees, and he wasn't particularly macho. All meaning he wasn't a threat to Jay's view of who was socially superior. Jay was building a small comfort zone of familiarity and Kwon was the first step. But language was still a barrier.

Then came Taec. Taecyeon, who was also loud and smart and charming and, most importantly for Jay, behaviorally _American_. Which made him relatable. Familiar. Friendly.

So they became friends and things were satisfactory: Jay had someone to dominate, and he had someone else to be American with. It was a nice balance. The arrangement lasted for a while and Jay genuinely formed friendships with the two people who were keeping him sane, regardless of what his subconscious may have been up to. Except that... Taec was submissive in his own way, which was good, but he was also overtly masculine, which was bad.

It was a delicate state of affairs. It wasn't meant to last.

Because Nichkhun entered Jay's life and he unknowingly demolished the balance that had been holding the old Jay together. Jay now had two friends to be American with, which made him invest more time and emotion in that aspect of his life and less with Jokwon, although his friendship with the latter persisted. But that also meant Jay had a crew in Nichkhun and Taec. And Jay had to be the dominant one.

Nichkhun knew, with a faint blow to his pride, that Jay never saw him as a threat: his features were too feminine, his posture too polished, and his actual talent too classical. Nichkhun wasn't a problem.

Taec was.

So Jay had to have power over Taec. Taecyeon, who was a native Korean. Taecyeon, who was taller than Jay, more handsome than Jay, more accepted than Jay, more charming than Jay. They were already friends, and Jay wouldn't have felt right in resolving things in a testosterone-laden clash of violent male pride, save for a few bro-punches now and then.

So, in a moment that would have made Freud proud, he turned to sex. If he could dominate Taecyeon in that aspect of their lives, Jay's ego would be appeased because he would have asserted himself in what according to Jay's worldview was the center, the focal point of masculinity.

And Taecyeon let him. Because he valued relationships. Because he valued Jay and everything they'd been through together. He valued their threesome, their partnership in crime, their butchering of Taec's mother tongue, the world they built out of comfort and familiarity. Taec let him because he thought he was strong, because he was open-minded, because there were things more important than sex and dominion.

But the thing is... Taec had always thought himself stronger than he really was. Had always been just a bit too open-minded, just a bit too susceptible to persuasion. Put just a bit too much value on emotions and relationships. And Jay, thanks to the conflict between friendship and habits, was in a vulnerable position to not respond in kind even though it was confusing him even more.

And there the problem lay.

Nichkhun cursed himself for seeing these things too late.

He knew he shouldn't let things stew by himself. Bad decisions were born that way. He needed perspective. He needed someone to help him make sense of things.

Which made it very fortunate that JYPE owned practically the entire condominium anyway, and if he wanted company he just needed to knock on the right door.

"He's sleeping right now," Jinwoon the giant bunny said with a smile way too bright for this time of night, but there was a hint of appraising guardedness in the slant of his eyes.

"Oh," Nichkhun said, deflating.

"Should I wake him up, your highness?"

Nichkhun felt his lips twitch to a frown, but he tried to turn the grimace to a smile without registering the effort. Years of practice had made it easy. "No, no, don't bother. Let him sleep. And please don't call me that. I'm not actually royalty."

"You look very tense," Jinwoon offered. "I'm sure Chansung wouldn't mind."

Nichkhun wanted to say no once more, wanted to insist that Chansung needed his sleep more than Nichkhun needed someone to absorb the shock of a crazy midnight. That coming here was a bad idea anyway because burdening Chansung with his rants about his two best friends hooking up _without telling him about it_ was _not_ a very smart move, especially since Chansung idolized Jay, and open-minded or not Chansung was still Korean to the bone, meaning Nichkhun had no accurate gauge of how accepting he was of same sex-- well, _sex_.

But he remembered the mess he'd made of his relationship with Chansung and he realized that Jinwoon was giving him an opportunity to make things right. Nichkhun and Chansung weren't friends yet, not in the real sense of the word. But Chansung wanted to be friends and friends shared their needs even if sometimes it was inconvenient. Nichkhun shouldn't be his prince. Not anymore.

"If it won't be any trouble," Nichkhun conceded, forcing down his earlier confusion and wrapping his mind around this new one. He felt slightly more mature – or at least slightly less immature – when he succeeded. "Can I wait inside?"

Jinwoon's eyes furtively widened at that and Nichkhun didn't miss the way he moved his body to block even more of the doorway. "Chan... the dorm isn't at its most presentable at the moment. Please wait here?"

Nichkhun nodded and Jinwoon vanished inside the recesses of their apartment.

Knowing Chansung, Nichkhun expected he'd have to wait for half an hour before he'd get to see the sleep zombie version of someone who was already quite slow during the day. He loitered by the door, played with the hem of his night clothes, and studiously avoided thinking about Things Not to be Thought Of.

It was a surprise when, just about five minutes later, the door opened again and a tousled and bleary eyed Chansung (with his hair staging a very violent protest) emerged carrying two steaming mugs of warm water.

"I wanted to make coffee," Chansung said gruffly as he sat on the floor beside Nichkhun. "But I'm out of stock and Jinwoon's only got his expensive stuff left and our friendship has boundaries, and none of the hyungs are awake so I couldn't ask them to loan me some of theirs. Sorry, Khun-hyung."

"Don't worry, this is fine," Nichkhun reassured him as he blew on his cup. "Thank you for the refreshment." He watched in amusement when Chansung's shoulders heaved as he repressed a yawn, and he found it endearing despite his earlier mood. "Why is Jinwoon still awake?"

"Composing," Chansung answered with a shrug as he sipped his water.

"Oh. Wow," Nichkhun said, genuinely impressed.

Half of Chansung's mouth twitched to a smirk while the other half was still trying to process the idea confusion of not being asleep. "Every night. When he's not studying for school. Try living with him and let's see if you're still amazed."

"About yesterday-" Nichkhun started.

"I'm sorry for punching Junho," Chansung interrupted. "It wasn't any of my business and he really didn't hurt you that badly and Junho's a great guy. I saw everything anyway and he didn't mean to hit you. But. I'm sorry. For acting so... embarrassingly. I shouldn't have done that."

Nichkhun could have told Chansung that it was nothing, that he and Junho had sorted it out. He could have said there was nothing to apologize for, though for sure Junho thought otherwise. He could have said something along the lines of _Just don't let it happen again_ , or _You have a good friend in Jinwoon_. But he didn't. Even if he meant them to be consoling, any of those would have invalidated something Chansung held dear.

Nichkhun tugged Chansung closer for a one-armed hug and let his silence do the talking.

"This isn't very princely of you," Chansung chided him. "You're not supposed to touch anyone. It ruins the mystique."

"I'm not a prince here," Nichkhun reminded him. "And being a prince is overrated."

"I wouldn't know."

"That's why I'm telling you. Being a hyung is so much better."

Chansung hummed, not committing to the discussion. He sipped his water and Khun was surprised at how self-assured Chansung looked despite rumpled pajamas, heavy-lidded eyes and hair that was less 'windswept' and more 'hurricane landfall imminent, evacuate now'.

"I'm serious!" Nichkhun chided. "I learned from a very smart person."

"Taecyeon-hyung?" but his tone made it obvious that he knew better.

"Someone even smarter. He taught me a lot of things today. Things I really needed to know but never got around to learning."

"Yeah, that sounds just about right for Junho," Chansung said as he rested his chin on Nichkhun's shoulder. And just like that their relationship gained new ground. "Tell me more about what he said?"

So Nichkhun told him. He started with Junho and how he made Nichkhun realize that he was resisting a proper integration into a Korean way of life. Then his stories skipped to an earlier life spent almost entirely in airplanes as he traveled routinely between the U.S., Thailand, and New Zealand, and maybe that's why he's so confused about _what_ he really is. He told Chansung about the curse of Thai royalty made clear by Chulalongkorn decades earlier: princes had a duty to serve Thailand, but that did not equate to a right to high office. Try as he might to become Korean, Nichkhun's life belonged to Thailand as a matter of honor; his presence here was an unspoken mission to ultimately bring greatness to his country.

And Chansung listened, because that was apparently what Chansung did best. He _listened_ to people. Nichkhun would learn later on that Chansung wouldn't necessarily do what people told him to do, but he would listen to them in case they said anything worth hearing. He wouldn't always remember but the memory would be there, buried in lost thoughts and half-forgotten dreams, like an island in the mind to surface only when everything was calm.

Maybe it was a stroke of fortune that Nichkhun forgot his phone. It forced them to measure time in words instead of minutes, in thoughts and shared memories instead of numbers flashed on a screen.

Sometime between Nichkhun's first piano lessons and his experiences with puberty, Jinwoon checked on them with a fragrant mug of coffee in each of his massive hands.

It wasn't the sunrise, but it was as good a symbol as any for daybreak.

****

~*~

"You seem... distracted," Junho said with his hands frozen over the keyboard. He removed his foot from the pedal and the echoes of the last chord they were vocalizing with were abruptly cut off.

"Hmm?" Nichkhun answered, more or less affirming Junho's observation. "Sorry, I'll... do better. Could we try that key again?"

"We could," Junho said doubtfully, "or you could tell me what's bothering you. You're usually not like this, Nichkhun-sshi. You're always focused and reliable and aware of what you're doing. So why aren't you now? It's only the morning recess. We still have a long day ahead of us."

Bothered and sleepless as he was, Nichkhun was paying enough attention to be amazed at how different Junho had become compared to when he first volunteered to teach. Nichkhun never realized that the cool, detached persona Junho used to project was simply a cover for his feelings of insecurity and awkwardness, particularly around those who got a lot of attention. Junho was passionate. Hardworking. He'd been fooled at an early age into believing that talent and competence would be the keys to his success, but he lost faith when he realized how misguided his beliefs were now that he faced the challenges of the real world. He came to realize that success ultimately lay in his dealings with other people.

And now that Junho had chosen him to hedge his bets with people, Nichkhun was determined to not let him down. To help Junho rebuild his faith.

"It's..." Nichkhun trailed off. He didn't know what to say. The clarity that possessed him last night and allowed him to rebuild his relationship with Chansung had been replaced by an inner turmoil inspired by the reason why he sought Chansung out in the first place. The sleeplessness brought his guard down and stirred up the shallowly buried confusion he felt about Jay and Taec. And now, here he was with the need to talk it all out and make sense of everything, and the only person around – who by all means was technically still a stranger, albeit a comfortably familiar one – was the one who taught him the most about being Korean.

The Korean vitriol for homosexual relationships was widely known. Nichkhun hadn't been fooled by media-wide clamors for skinship and fanservice, and he knew that there was no way Taec and Jay would receive support from anyone else apart from Nichkhun. And doubtlessly they must have been unsure of Nichkhun as well, or else they'd have said something earlier. Nichkhun didn't blame them. At least, not now when he was calmer and the memory of what he saw in the bathroom had been dulled by temporary clarity via insomnia.

Still, he hadn't talked to either Jay or Taec since last night. They saw each other earlier in the hallway, but hard as Nichkhun tried to go to his friends and say hello, the sheer awkwardness of the situation made him avert his eyes and duck into unused training rooms. They didn't follow him in, probably thanks to Taec's underappreciated empathy.

"... personal?" Junho finished for him with an inquisitive look, but something in the crescent of his eyes looked mildly put down.

"In a sense. And complicated," Nichkhun answered. "I didn't get much sleep last night. Or this morning. I didn't get to sleep."

"At this rate, you'll sing like sh- very awfully later in class. Coach Dongwook will be very displeased. I think it might be best to just hop on a plane now than endure his wrath." The tone of voice was dead serious, but Nichkhun checked Junho's eyes just to be sure. And there it was: that tiny sparkle of humor in the slant.

Nichkhun half-pouted at him, though the rest of his expression matched Junho's sincerity. "Unless they've invented a plane that can travel to the moon, I don't think I'll ever be safe from Coach Dongwook."

"At least in space no one can hear you sing," Junho teased.

"Yes, that would be good for the rest of the world, wouldn't it?" Nichkhun said with a mocking sigh.

"Nice to know that I'm doing the world a favor. Just listen to us."

"Us?" Nichkhun asked, confused.

Junho nodded towards the door, where Nichkhun saw Junsu leaning against the frame. Junsu bowed at both of them before approaching.

"This way, we both get to learn," Junho said with a satisfied grin.

"Does this mean Junho hasn't told you about our deal?" Junsu asked as he sat on a monobloc chair beside the keyboard.

"I'm amending our initial agreement to include a third party," Junho told Nichkhun quickly. "Junsu will teach us how to sing, you teach us English, and I'll teach you both how to dance. That's a good deal no matter how you look at it. Right, Nichkhun-sshi?"

"I just wish you'd told me sooner so I could have practiced more," Nichkhun groused, but he was genuinely impressed. He kept forgetting how Junho was smart, how Junho was good, how Junho was _competent_. How quickly Junho realized one of his weaknesses and immediately resolved to not let it become a disadvantage.

"Telling you earlier would have alerted someone Junho detests," Junsu said before Junho could shush him. "Like it or not, Nichkhun-sshi, people are watching you. Even that little ass Wooyoung. And Junho, I've thought about it and this is my decision: I'll help you with this but that's all. This is as far as I'll go. Wooyoung's _your_ rival, not mine."

Junho nodded his acceptance of Junsu's words but tsk'ed at the meaning. "Fine. That's fine," he said darkly through clenched teeth. "Wooyoung. I should have known he'd come up with something like that. He's good. But I won't let him be as good as I am."

"Please," Junsu said with a roll of his eyes. "You wouldn't have asked me to join this little operation of yours if he didn't pull some serious shit that took you down a few pegs."

"Hyung!" Junho wheedled, uncharacteristically cute and proving to Nichkhun that Junho was willing to use every advantage in his arsenal, _aegyo_ included.

"Anyway, Nichkhun-sshi, don't worry about that imp. He's cunning and wily and he knows how to divide people, but Junho and I will be too much for him to handle. We've wised up to his ways."

"But why is he like that?" Nichkhun asked. He didn't know Wooyoung very well, but the minimal exposure he had agreed with Junsu's and Junho's assessment. It didn't sit right with him, not when Wooyoung was still primarily an enigma. Although Nichkhun trusted Junho's judgment, he also needed to know things for himself.

Junho thoughtfully pressed an augmented F-sharp and Junsu hummed a short tune in harmony. "Wooyoung is... he's Wooyoung," Junho said. "Just simply, overwhelmingly Wooyoung."

"Just like how you're simply overwhelmingly Junho?" Nichkhun probed.

Junho laughed at the words, but the sound was unsure and hollow of mirth. "The two of us... Wooyoung and I--"

"They're actually lovers in a very complicated affair," Junsu supplied with a conspiratorial wink.

" _Hyung!_ "

"-but Wooyoung insisted that Junho be the girl and Junho's too proud of his ass to let it come to any harm-"

And despite himself, Nichkhun leaned back to check the body part in question. He hadn't noticed before but it _was_ a rather magnificent... specimen.

"I am _appalled_ at you two," Junho said, scandalized, as he inadequately covered the body part in question with his hands.

"But seriously," Nichkhun interrupted, because the conversation too closely paralleled his issue with his best friends and he didn't want to go there. "Why Wooyoung?"

"Wooyoung and I... are very different in a lot of things," Junho said enigmatically. "Talent, dreams, frustrations... We've been compared to each other lots of times and I accept it. But we're also very similar where it matters. Even when it comes to things I'm not proud of."

"I can't see how you two are similar at all," Nichkhun volunteered. "You're Junho and you reached out to me for cooperation. Wooyoung... he's divisive, as Junsu said. And kind of a jerk."

"Then you're looking at the wrong things," Junsu answered. He nudged Junho aside and took his place at the keys. "Now let's show that bitch who's the boss around here. Both of you: open your mouths and split the resonance between your mouth and your nose. Tense your jaw a bit. Remember, we're singing pop music, not classical. We _want_ to sound unique." He played a broken A in the baritone range and Nichkhun and Junho followed.

****

~*~

Nichkhun found himself watching Wooyoung more intently during modeling training. He paid attention to every shift in Wooyoung's expression, every furrow of his eyebrows, every twitch of his lips, _everything_ he could see. The swagger, the nonchalance, the neutrality in those eyes...

Whatever Junho and Junsu insisted was there, Nichkhun didn't see it.

Taec draped an arm around his shoulders and Nichkhun forced himself not to flinch at the contact. " _I'm sorry you had to see me and Jay,_ " Taec whispered a bit too close to Nichkhun's ear than was strictly comfortable, " _but it isn't our fault if we accidentally made you gay._ "

Nichkhun sighed and tore his eyes away from Wooyoung's strut on the makeshift catwalk. " _Can we_ please _talk about something else?_ "

" _We'll end up not talking about it at all unless I force you to. Come on, Khun, I need you to be okay with this._ "

" _'I'?_ " Nichkhun asked without looking at Taec. " _So there's no 'we' between you and Jay yet?_ "

" _Are you kidding? As if Jay cares about whether you're okay with it or not._ "

Despite himself, Nichkhun couldn't stop the pang of hurt from showing up on his face. There was no point in watching Wooyoung, not when Taec was in his determined 'we need to talk' mode.

" _Aww, Khun, you know I didn't mean it like that,_ " Taecyeon said, tightening his hug.

Nichkhun leaned in to the familiar affection. After all, this was _Taec_. Ok Taecyeon. Possibly the biggest goofball he knew. He reminded himself that Taec wasn't a sexual creature. That the thing Nichkhun intruded on wasn't what it looked like. That Taec had always treated him with respect – as a human instead of a sexual object. In the end, that was what mattered. " _Yeah. I suppose I should feel flattered that Jay considers me a friend no matter what. But. Taec. Just..._ "

" _Just?_ "

" _Boundaries, okay? And be safe. And be careful._ " Beyond that, Nichkhun didn't know what else to say. He had an idea of how things worked, but only in a crudely mechanical 'insert rod A into slot B' and 'remember the lube' kind of way. Although who the rod was among them was fairly obvious. _The imagery was not helping_.

" _Hey, we were discreet._ "

" _How is doing it in the dorm bathroom **discreet**?_ " And although Nichkhun's words were whispered, the vehemence in his hissing caused a few heads to turn towards them. Nichkhun decided that Wooyoung's pointed ignorance of his outburst meant Wooyoung knew of his surveillance.

" _More discreet,_ " Taec amended with a wink. He got to his feet and sauntered over to the catwalk for his turn to strut and Nichkhun tried very hard not to look for a limp in Taec's gait.

****

~*~

He felt good that Taec forced the issue and that they'd reached some resolution. But there were other things to think about. Like how barely anything ever caught Wooyoung's attention, though Nichkhun knew better: it only took one look, _one_ glance for Wooyoung to notice everything.

Like how Wooyoung met his gaze at the end of training. His expression was as blank as ever.

But Nichkhun understood. It was clear as crystal.

_Challenge accepted_.

****

~*~

Eventually, after wasting half an hour of lunch combing the known trainee haunts plus another half hour of studying fire escape diagrams and mentally mapping out this wing of the building, Nichkhun discovered a way to the rooftop via a circuitous route of unmarked doors and unused stairs. The lock on the door atop of the final stairwell had clearly been picked open, though unskillfully if the scratch marks on the paint job were any clue.

Nichkhun found him sitting completely relaxed in the shade, thoroughly unsurprised and not even bothering to look up.

"I knew you're smarter than you look," Wooyoung said in a tone of voice that Nichkhun couldn't place. Was it sarcasm? Was it a dare? Was it patronizing? Was it proud? Or was it just meaningless teasing?

"And you think you're smarter than everyone else," Nichkhun told him back, though he chose to speak calmly.

"Wrong. Minus points for the incorrect assumption, but thank you for playing."

"You were smart enough to know exactly what Junho was up to," Nichkhun continued with more confidence than justified by what he actually knew. "You were smart enough to act against it before Junho could get any momentum. And you were smart enough to do it without actually lying."

Wooyoung gave no indication of having heard him.

"So you obviously think Junho's a threat against you. But I wa-"

"Nichkhun-sshi, not that I'm accepting it, but you give me entirely too much credit. Why are you telling me these things I supposedly already know?"

"So you don't know that much?" Nichkhun taunted, changing tactics when he sensed an opening. He didn't realize until much later that it was a trap, opened with so much simplicity and skill. "Maybe you're not so smart after all."

Wooyoung breathed in deep. Suddenly, even without changing his posture every bit about his demeanor became filled with meaning, telling Nichkhun that his presence was being tolerated only out of what little patience Wooyoung had left. "I never said I was. But if I remember properly, and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, Nichkhun-sshi: you don't have an enviable track record for saying the right things. But, as you so fervently pointed out, _I do_."

Nichkhun's fists were already tensed by the time he realized he was sauntering closer. On some self-observant level he wondered if this was the kind of anger that he'd always been warned about, the kind of anger that can push men blindly and so easily towards regret. But an inner part of him, the one that delighted in Chansung's worship and Junho's capitulation, the part that thought of how had power over Jay and Taec by accepting or rejecting their relationship... that part delighted in this strange feeling, this feeling that filled him with unfamiliar heat. Power driven by the desire to cause so much hurt to this person who belittled his troubles and wounded him with mere words. It was new, it was unfamiliar, and it felt _right_.

He wondered if Wooyoung realized the danger that approached him now with claw-like fingers reaching for the collar of his shirt.

Wooyoung did. When he finally turned to look at Nichkhun for the first time from his spot on the floor, wholly undisturbed when he regarded Nichkhun with those strangely blank eyes...

Nichkhun knew then that he was horribly outclassed. What he'd mistaken for mere emptiness of expression in those eyes, he saw then for its true nature: burning intelligence paraded so plainly that it absorbed everything and showed nothing; intelligence that calculated which buttons to press and which levers to pull in order to bring out a side of Nichkhun he'd always sought hard to suppress.

His hand froze an inch away from Wooyoung's neck. The anger that fueled him vanished entirely, replaced by the fear that Wooyoung understood every part of him. Even the shameful parts that Nichkhun buried in shallow graves beneath heavy stones, behind locks the keys to which he thought he'd deliberately lost

Things would have been different if Wooyoung sneered at him then. Had Wooyoung relished this triumph, Nichkhun would have felt justified in lashing out just to make him feel better. Had Wooyoung thrown a line about half-baked decisions and crippling emotional imbalance, Nichkhun could have dismissed him in mind and words, could have said _you're beneath me, you're not worth it_.

But Wooyoung kept looking at him with those plain, blank eyes with the polar opposite of benevolence in his understanding.

Nichkhun backed away quietly. Backed away with his eyes on Wooyoung, keeping watch until he found the door and climbed down the stairs. But no matter how much distance he put between them, no matter the cement and steel that set them apart, Nichkhun still felt those eyes boring deep into his mind.

He skipped gag show training after lunch and spent the entire time calming down.

Wooyoung shouldn't have gotten under his skin that easily. He won't let it happen again.

****

~*~

He saw it now. How Junho saw himself in Wooyoung, Nichkhun saw it now.

The intelligence. The cunning. The sheer belief in their abilities, no matter how much Junho denied it: if the industry wouldn't recognize them for their dancing or singing, then they'd force the game by changing the rules. They had other talents. Talents that wouldn't show on camera but would get them noticed by the right people in the right light.

But talent begot talent. Competence begot competence. Junho and Wooyoung, and possibly Junsu as well. Junsu must have known what was going on – must even have been a part of it at some point – and decided not to join their rivalry. Junsu was a singer to the core: if he was going to be noticed he wanted it to be because of music, not politics; because of his voice, not the mind games he could win.

Junho's earlier diatribe was an admission that he'd marked Wooyoung as his main competitor, and if the fervor behind the sentiment was any clue, Wooyoung reciprocated. But whatever Wooyoung leveraged against Junho, it must not have been enough. They must have started on similar ground, and they grew with their eyes on each other, waiting for the rival to make a fatal flaw.

And from then on, they fed each other's skills, sharpened each other's talents, helped each other attain a level of competence that neither one would otherwise have been able to achieve. Their rivalry mutated into a twisted symbiosis, or at least mutual parasitism: Junho learned to be watchful and observant of the people around him, but he lacked the subtlety needed to leverage a decisive advantage... but what did Wooyoung learn? To be mysterious? To draw the right conclusions? To throw up a façade that could confuse the hell out of everyone? Nichkhun didn't know; he knew too little of Wooyoung.

But the result was obvious: they had created giants.

Yet... that was where their similarities ended. No matter what their motives were, Nichkhun believed in what he saw with his own eyes: Junho built other people's strengths so they could help each other, while Wooyoung broke them so he wouldn't have any competition.

That was how things were.

Nichkhun wanted to know more, but things were too complicated, too tangled for him to understand. He should have been there from the start.

But Nichkhun wasn't there then, and he was here now. Junho had made his move and Wooyoung his own, and Nichkhun had chosen a side.

****

~*~

Maybe that was part of growing up.

Maybe learning the difference between empathy and understanding was crucial for finding the right people. Maybe in that sense he was lucky to have met Wooyoung. But only in the same sense the he was lucky to have met Junho and Chansung.

"You should probably sing the melody," Junho said thoughtfully as he pulled his chair closer to Nichkhun while Coach Dongwook taught a group of three the harmonic lines for their study song. "That way you won't have to worry about awkward leaps and you can pick up the dominant pitch from the accompaniment."

"We're being overtly friendly now?" Nichkhun asked, surprised. Part of him knew that this was a political display, a show to let Wooyoung know that his ploy didn't work and he'd have to come up with something better.

"Think of it as psychological warfare," Junho answered nonchalantly. He hummed a few bars from the baritone line and frowned at the minor progression.

"Of course." But another voice in Nichkhun said that maybe friendship can also grow from an alliance, that maybe harboring parallel vested interests was an unromantic way to start a relationship, but if it can work, why not?

Nichkhun looked for Wooyoung's reflection and found it mingled with Jokwon's group.

So even he could adapt to new situations. This battle of wits between Junho and Wooyoung wasn't going to end anytime soon and Nichkhun had voluntarily put himself in the middle. Despite how Wooyoung didn't even seem to notice them, no doubt he was already planning a maneuver.

Maybe Nichkhun _was_ a romantic after all. Maybe he was still hoping to find a way for Junho and Wooyoung to find peace with each other and for this feuding to stop. Because although turning against each other sharpened their skills, it was still possible for them to cut each other down and that would be a tremendous waste of talent. Maybe there was a way for Nichkhun to convince one of them to be the bigger man and offer a truce.

But if Nichkhun was going to be part of this, he needed to know more. He could start with Junho's choice of allies.

He glanced at Junsu's group, which was composed of two other notably talented singers. That group was going to win this demonstration hands down. "Can I speak casually, _seonsaengnim_?"

"Hmm?" said Junho.

Nichkhun took that as a yes. "Why Junsu?"

Junho looked up from the sheet music to quirk an eyebrow at Nichkhun. "You mean the reason isn't blindingly obvious? Junsu has humongous talent. Vocally, at least."

"It's just that-" Nichkhun averted his gaze by focusing on the melody line. His fingers twitched as he imagined playing it on the piano. "-it's not a big deal. But. I thought you'd given up on just talent. Isn't that why you chose to partner with me?"

Junho's silence lasted longer than Nichkhun was used to, but he let his trainer find the right words. The answer, when it came, spoke tons more about Nichkhun than about Junho.

"Maybe I was wrong," Junho said with a shrug. Nichkhun grinned.

****

~*~

" _We missed you at lunch today,_ " Jay said as he stared blankly at the tray of eggs Taecyeon set before him.

" _I was busy,_ " Nichkhun answered, watching Taec cut kimchi with a vague yet easily explainable sense of doom.

" _Evidently._ " Jay took an egg and cautiously tapped it against the table. He frowned at the small crack on the shell. " _We wanted to have lunch with you. You know. As friends. Like we always do. Since we're still friends. Aren't we, Khun?_ "

Nichkhun looked suspiciously at Jay, who was giving the eggs more interest than they deserved, then at Taec, who was adding water to the kimchi pot and singing to himself along the lyrics of "Food, food, food~"

Nichkhun rested his head in his palms and groaned. " _Kill me now and spare me from this awkwardness. Can't we please just order out and_ not _die from food poisoning?_ "

Jay looked like he wanted to agree, but a sharp glance from Taecyeon shut him up. " _We love you too much – as a friend – to hurt you in any way, Khun,_" he said weakly. " _And friends cook for each other. Because they're friends. And it totally isn't gay._ "

Taecyeon nodded at those words even as he tried to look carefully preoccupied with cutting the pork belly for the stew. Okay, enough was enough.

" _This ..._ thing _. Between the two of you,_ " Nichkhun said carefully, unsure if he was crossing the line between 'best friend' and 'insistent meddler' but not caring much because the elephant in the room was suffocating him with sheer awkwardness. " _What is it?_ "

" _It's a kitchen table,_ " Taec said innocently. He was rightfully ignored.

Jay's eyes narrowed shrewdly. " _Khun. It's just a thing. Right, Taec?_ "

" _Very eloquently defined,_ " Taec said with an amused sparkle in his eyes. He was practically twinkling. Nichkhun tried very hard not to burst into defeated laughter.

Jay shrugged. " _It's a sex thing. That's all it is,_ " he added as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. " _Fucking and sucking whenever we can get away with it._ " But Khun knew better. Jay's ego, Jay's reliance on masculinity, everything that made him Jay had to make him say those words.

" _We haven't tried it all night long yet, but we're working on it._ " Taec winked. He could express a great many emotions through his face, the most common of which were good-natured tolerance and equine look-a-like, but lewdness was not one of them. It just wasn't him, but credits for trying.

Nickhun was trying not to wince at the thought of Taec's well-being and _all night long!_ when he caught the change in his friends' eyes. Jay just looked satisfied that the talk was over and already Nichkhun could see how he was forming scabs over the awkward memory, whereas the glimmer in Taec's eyes turned into a look of determined bravery.

Nichkhun was right after all. He knew his friend well. Taec was a smart guy, maybe even smarter than he gave himself credit for, but not by much because Taec _knew_ he was smart. And if Nichkhun had been able to force an answer out of Jay about what their relationship was about, then Taec must surely have known it as well. He'd known from the start where all of this was headed.

But Nichkhun also knew that Taec thought he was stronger than he really was. And Jay was strong but there were other things eating away at him from the inside. And they started this wrong and they didn't build the base strong enough to make it last.

What lay down the road was obvious and inevitable. But Jay and Taec had buried themselves in too deep to back out, and Nichkhun was too late to give them a way out without breaking everything else. The best thing, the most _human_ thing he could do was to let it happen and to pick up the pieces after the fall.

The sex was a bad idea, but Jay had plenty of worse ideas before and he wasn't going to stop now. The emotional investment may not survive, but Taecyeon had been and will go through worse. But Nichkhun could save the friendship. He owed them that much.

Many things could start with a pot of jjigae and a roomful of affection.

****

~*~

It's the weekend and the city glowed warm orange from the sunset. The skyline of Seoul could have been painted in tones of red.

There was a small elementary class from a school a few blocks away enjoying their time outside. Their teacher was handing out balloons and the first children in line were already blowing theirs up.

"This is nice," Nichkhun said softly as he contemplated the scene over his popsicle stick. He wished he had his camera with him.

"Mm-hmm," Chansung hummed around his own ice cream with a second packet held loosely in his hand.

Nichkhun let the moment last. He can't remember when everything turned crazy. Or crazier, at least. Weird as it was, the past few days seemed to have driven everything else out of his life.

But the weekend had come and Taec made him promise to invite his new friends out with them for noraebang, but the way Jay just brushed his teeth silently suggested that it was his idea. Nichkhun figured he should still introduce Chansung formally even though they already knew each other. And while he was at it...

They heard soft footsteps approaching them cautiously. "So this is where you two have been disappearing off to during break," Junho said cheerfully. "You'll need to drink some warm water before we go to class."

Nichkhun crinkled his eyes at Junho. It wasn't the welcome Junho deserved, but the calm silence was comfortable and Nichkhun wasn't ready to leave it just yet. Junho understood – like he always did – and sat on the curb beside Chansung.

"Hey," Junho said, nudging with his elbow when Chansung wouldn't meet his eyes.

Chansung paid entirely too much attention to his ice cream. He bowed and extended the hand bearing his extra sweet.

Junho looked surprised for a moment. Then his eyes formed crescents of affection. "Thanks, Chansungie," he said in a small voice.

Chansung just nodded, but a weight lifted from his shoulders and he quirked the corners of his lips.

"Yeah, we're okay," Junho said over the sound of plastic being torn open.

They let the moment linger for a while.

But time moved on and Nichkhun didn't want to be stuck in the past. He finished his popsicle. "What do you say to a night of singing your throat hoarse?" he asked Junho. "Me, Chansung, and a couple of my other friends are going out. I'd like it if you came along."

"Hmm," Junho hummed thoughtfully.

"But it'll be just for fun," Nichkhun added quickly. "So don't judge my singing. How's that sound?"

"Sounds like a nice change of pace," Junho eventually answered. "Too bad we still have one class to go."

"Or we could skip it?" Chansung volunteered. "I don't feel like rapping today."

It took only a beat for Nichkhun and Junho to reach a decision and both whipped their phones out at the same time. "I'll tell Taec to drag Jay out of the studios. Not that Jay would resist much," Nichkhun muttered as he keyed in a quick message.

"I'll tell Junsu not to worry," Junho said in return. "In case he thinks Wooyoung went overboard after he realizes we're both missing."

Chansung took his time licking his popsicle stick clean before bringing out his own phone. "Is it okay if I ask Jinwoon to come along?"

"We'd love to have him around," Nichkhun said cheerfully.

"Just don't get him drunk," Junho added.

"We're underage," Chansung pointed out.

"As if that will stop you from sneaking in some alcohol. No drunk Jinwoon, that's all I ask," Junho insisted.

"Why?" Nichkhun's curiosity was piqued, mainly because he couldn't imagine Jinwoon even drinking alcohol.

"He gets inappropriately grabby," Junho said, wincing at a memory. "And the bastard's grip is _strong_."

Nichkhun burst into laughter at the image. "I'll see that and raise you a drunk Taecyeon."

"Precision farting?" Chansung guessed.

"Projectile vomit?" Junho hazarded.

Nichkhun suppressed his laughter lest he double up on the pavement. "Neither. He does number sequences."

"What?" Chansung and Junho asked at the same time.

"Number sequences. Primary numbers, the Fibonacci sequence, the Lucas number string, squares of natural integers, that kind of stuff."

"You're kidding," Chansung said, undecided between being awed or disillusioned.

Junho wasn't similarly handicapped. "That's... kind of cool. In a nerdy kind of way."

Nichkhun let his smirk do the talking. Some things can only be believed after experience. Like the best burger in the world or the overwhelming flavor of samgyupsal properly done.

Like friendships that started from the wrong things but end up feeling so right. Or a love that's doomed to fail but is worth having while it's there. Or learning just a bit more about people and about life, and learning something about yourself along the way.

Or a psychological war being waged between giants.

There would be time for that tomorrow. Tonight, they would have a breath of fresh air.

****

~*~

Maybe there is such a thing as maturity that crosses cultures. Maybe there is such a thing as being human with anyone, anywhere, anytime. Maybe there are people who turn to history and learn from thousands of years of precedence to find lessons that mustn't be forgotten. Maybe there are people who find things once thought to be forever lost in time.

But for Nichkhun, the growth was more subtle. He didn't get to learn about good people and bad people, although he came very close. That opportunity was overshadowed by learning something more important: some people can appear bad, but only because he was looking at them the wrong way. Maybe one day he would find someone to teach him this ultimate lesson. Who knows? Nichkhun doesn't, and neither do we.

Nichkhun never did find out what the Korean version of _omerta_ was called. All he knew was that he too must follow a code, the right conduct to live by, and that code entailed silence when things became too awkward to deal with. Not because he condoned what was happening, but because words and people can be such fragile things and one can break the other so easily. He learned that, sometimes, strength calls for silence and a time to think of the right way to act. It might take him some time to master the art, but he is sincere and he loves his friends. The effort will be worth it.

But he learned about Taecyeon's courage, and the day will come when he hopes to find that same strength within himself, when he falls in love with someone for whom he never intended. He learned about Jaebum's desire for familiarity, and the day will come when it will give him the words to push Jay in the direction they both believe to be right.

He learned about Junsu's unshakeable belief in his talents, and the day will come when Nichkhun will have to remind Junsu that there is more to him than just what the cameras can catch. He learned about Wooyoung's approach to competition, and the day will come when they'll have to call on that particular talent and Wooyoung will show everyone that he's not proud of what he can do, but he'll do it anyway because of need. Nichkhun learned why Junho is so magnificent, and the day will come when that light will stop shining and it'll be up to Nichkhun to bring it back. He learned about Chansung's easy laugh and solid confidence, and the day will come when Nichkhun will wish that he was younger so he could draw strength from those things he held dear.

But they are stories on their own. Stories to be told another day.

One day, when we are still in love, we will hear the words these stories have to say.


End file.
